Parent/Child Roles: Which is it?

I rewatched "Soprano Home Movies" and noted an explanation of the parent/child relationship that appears to be deliberately designed to be at odds with one in "The Second Coming."

In "Soprano Home Movies," Janice was explaining that her therapist told her that it wasn't that Livia didn't love her children, in fact she cared for her children very well up and until the time that they exercised independence by talking and perhaps forming their own opinions.

In "The Second Coming" Tony offers a counter explanation, that his mother was like a bus driver and that unhappiness was caused by him trying to get back on the bus while his mother was on her own journey.

These two explanations offer contradictory themes. The first suggests that parental unhappiness is caused by the independence of their children, which presumably makes them obsolete as parents. The second suggests that children's unhappiness is caused by a desire on the part of children to be completely dependent on their parents, presumably after they have become independent.

Any ideas about the point of these two anecdotes?

Re: Parent/Child Roles: Which is it?

One way to look at the two ideas - the first is looking at the parent/child relationship in terms of how the parent reacts, whereas the second offers a glimpse into the viewpoint of the child. Janice's statement had much more to do with the kind of woman Livia was - unable to respect or care for her children after they pulled away (which they would naturally do as they grew into adulthood.) Tony's seems more concerned with his own point of view which might be that he now recognizes why he does not need to cling to his mother or worry about her views of him, which seems a healthy way to look at a child as an individual as it concerns their parent.

It could be that Janice is holding on, and not just to the memories and emotions of wanting more from her mother, but also with the life that surrounded them as they grew up. Tony, on the other hand, could be pulling away - and not just from his oppressive memories of his mother but so too of the life he was raised in and perhaps even the thought that he was fated to enter such a life himself. The question arises however, how does that correspond to his feelings about his son? Does he expect his son to "pull away" or does he fear that his son is so full of Tony's own "putrid gene" that AJ cannot and thus is doomed?
"Leave the gun...take the cannoli." - Clemenza

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