Bus Drivers

Abandonment from Livia? Tony is becoming more like her with the "poor you" talk to A.J.

"I saw at one point that our mothers are bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See they are the vehicle that gets us here, they drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is we keep trying to get back on the bus instead of just letting it go."

Re: Bus Drivers

I know the popular opinion is that Tony is becoming more like Livia, but I don't see it that way. He's always thrown "poor you" back at people when he was angry or wanted to mock someone else's self pity. He's always been prone to her bleakness and morbidity at times. And he's always been manipulative, opportunistic, and scheming.

The latter are three of the reasons he's survived as a boss for years. But for the most part, Tony has kept those qualities out of his own home. He's never sought to split his household and pit one member against the other for his own perverse pleasure, which was Livia's hallmark characteristic. On the contrary, even when he and Carmela were having their worst problems, he insisted that AJ treat her with respect. And he played peace maker between Meadow and Carm several times, all the way back in the first season and then once in Eloise and again in Unidentified Black Males.

He has appropriated some of Livia's language and expressions (and don't we all do that with parents?), but I still see him as a very different character in most respects. For one thing, I don't think Livia was capable of feeling joy (which Melfi once implied) while Tony does experience it transiently if infrequently (Chase's recent statements notwithstanding:icon_wink:). The biggest difference is that I think Tony does actually love his wife and kids, and that makes him susceptible to a range of emotions that Livia never had.
Tony, his spirits crushed after b-lining to the fridge first thing in the morning: "Who ate the last piece of cake?"

Tony as Livia

Well, I came to a similar realization, when I eventually saw all Tony's acts when he is poisoning a conversation or turns everything miserable especially with Janice. Bringing up the worst subjects, like the suffocated girl in a pool.
And one mst think how much he /she goes after their parents,,,, Even if they are not aware of it,,,
You can't have everything- Where would you put it? -Steven Wright

Re: Bus Drivers

This is my first post after enjoying this list greatly for several months. I'm grateful to all of you for your excellent insights.

As a psychologist, I was struck by Melfi calling Tony's bus driver comment a "good insight". I didn't think it was so good. I might have said to him instead, "Well, YOUR mother was certainly like a bus (cold, metal, a vehicle, impersonal, big, dropped you off and left, etc.), but do you really think that's true of all mothers?" I always thought Melfi has missed opportunities to show Tony the connections between his parents' cruel behavior toward him and his own cruelties. It's probably because the last time I remember her trying (when she told Tony her mother wanted him dead), Tony almost killed her. Anyway, calling Tony's insight good without helping him see how uniquely cruel his mother was only maintains his denial about her, and allows him to keep acting out his rage at her (and his father) on countless others in his life, including his wife and kids.
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