The Final Scene. Guaranteed

#1
to at least make you chuckle:

In the back room at Satriale's (after a long and tumultuous night and morning):

Tony, slightly woozy and his stomach upset from a plate of pitcha he was forced to eat by the Russians, stares at the Daily Racing Form looking for a winner. He looks at the 3rd at the Meadowlands, post time 3:00. The names of the horses are -post #1, AJ’s Pride, #2, April e Junior, #3: Meadow’s Pole, #4: Leotardo de Vinci, #5: Ralphie’s Pie, #6: Part oftheBoot, #7: Melfi’s Revenge and #8: Gotti de Ice Cream Truck

He doesn’t know what to do until one of the sausages starts talking to him in Richie Aprile’s voice-‘Anthony, I should have run you over with Beansie and stayed the fuck away from your fat fucking sister, now look what happened to me. I’m stuck sharing a meat locker with that idiot Kolar kid, what was he thinking meeting that punk kid with the Pacino complex in a meat store in the middle of the night? I’ve been poisoning Harris for the past two years, get the fuck out of here before I do the same to you.’

Tony runs to the SUV to get to the Meadowlands to make a bet. He arrives 8 minutes before the post time. Tony reaches for the envelope from the Asbestos removal guy but there is no envelope, just a ziplock bag full of white powder. He says, ‘Shit, I may be sick but not dumb enough to snort that crap’. Hesh comes up behind him and Tony says, ‘Hesh, I need 200 large to make a score on this race’ Hesh says, ‘Boychick, I’ve got it for you but it’s 3 points an hour from here on. Not only that but if you complain even once about the vig I’m going to make sure your mother comes back from the dead and drives you nuts forever’. Tony sneers at Hesh but knows he has no other choice. ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me the fucking money, you bloodsucking Shylock’. Hesh hands him a bag of dollar bills and tells him to count it. Tony says, ‘I don’t have fucking time, postime is in 3 minutes’. Tony starts running for the betting window to place the big bet but runs into a Barone Sanitation dumpster in the corner. The bag of money breaks and it flies all over the floor. Tony stares at the people grabbing all the money and collapses with a panic attack. Pigeons fly over him, and one swoops down, unscrews his penis, and flies away.

Tony wakes up in bed, sweating, and realizes it’s time for him to see Agent Harris because until he flips the whole fucking series is going to repeat endlessly on itself and he can’t bring himself to hear Uncle Junior tell him he wasn’t a varsity athlete one more time.

Meanwhile, Hesh and Eliot are at their Country Club enjoying Sunday brunch. Hesh, who loves cream cheese, spreads it on a poppy seed bagel, lays some nova over it, leans back, and says to Eliot, ‘Eliot, why do these Goombahs think they can get over on us. Don’t they know that every screenwriter is a Jew and we can make them say whatever we want?’ Eliot smirks, picks up his water bottle and takes a long sip.

Fade to black, then credits start with the final music being Paul Simon's 'The Only Living Boy in New York'

You can read a bunch of other possible scenes on TWOP, the thread called 'the Third Coming'. Some pretty good stuff...

Re: The Final Scene. Guaranteed

#2
ROFLMAO!!!

That was some funny shit.

But in all seriousness, how many out there think it's possible (now this is only my demented conspiracy theory) that Chase himself, or a mole sent by him, scours message boards like this for leaks in script, and if he finds one, he runs an alternative ending? Like, that for these last three or four episodes (and especially the last one), if he fears too much got out he plays a different one?

Just a thought.

Funny post though. I especially like the part with the pigeon flying away with Tony's penis.

Re: The Final Scene. Guaranteed

#5
That's right after the scene where Tony, his panic attacks returned full-blown, goes in search of a new psychiatrist.
Scrap of paper in hand ( a referral from Dr. Cusimano), he knocks on the door & says, "You gotta help me... My uddah paisan doctor threw me out!"
Dropping his water bottle, a very excited Dr. Eliot throws the door open, "By all means! This will take years, but you've finally come to the right place... Can I get you anything? Scotch perhaps? I have Glen Levitt...".
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